If you are upset about a lack of affection from your partner, you're really longing to be touched and desired. Even the most affectionate parents, may not produce the most affectionate children if there is a genetic factor determining a lesser degree of affection. When my partner and I started dating, it took a while for him to show affection, which I thought was endearing, because it was nice to know he wasn't just someone who wanted me for sex. I am assuming you are a man, considering the way you talked about your friend however, I could be just way off base here. Our beginnings resemble yours and that literally scares me to death. By then I’m tired and fed up, so there is no way I’m getting intimate.". Then once I've done it, I feel relieved, and he feels happy! I don't show it in the traditional way because I had a really rough childhood, and I was never nurtured as a child. I feel that if I show affection, he'll take it as a come on for sex so I just don't do it. Tonight, we had a rather large fight because I rudely asked him not to grope me and he felt very rejected and upset that I didn't want him to touch me. If the guy doesn't want sex, the women complain. You probably give her everything she needs and wants (money, rides, gifts, cuddle buddy) but she is getting laid by someone else. These men who don’t do squat around the house or show their wives attention deserve this, not me. I have to believe at this point of my life that I am just not like many people. My girlfriend, whom I've lived with for just over a year is unaffectionate to the point of being cold. Here's the classic Dear Abby question: Are you better off with or without her? A feminist would be thrilled with such a man. Just wanted to figure out if im normal or completely whacked! Don't yell and scream, call names, or start blaming. On the other hand, children who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and anti-social. He gives you plenty of love every single day. Rather than asking your spouse to change, support them and aim to inspire them by being loving, happy, and full of energy and light yourself. She never kisses me goodbye when I go to work and has only once greeted me with a hug on my return. medicine, art, film, history, politics, ethics, and religion. A Scarcity of Affection Among Men October 9, 2018 by Jackson Bliss 76 Comments Jackson Bliss sees how men have grown up seeing affection as … Hi Moms! Both are perfectly okay. @anon33960: I completely understand where you are coming from. I guess I thought it would get better over time, but it hasn't. Emotions give us important information that we can use to … I'm a kind, caring person but sometimes I just feel emotionally numb. but i have a problem with showing affection. Others also suggest a gender difference, especially in many Western cultures, between showing affection to boys and girls. I don’t hold this against them as they are lovely girls and our puppy is so cute, but when there is no affection left for me, it leaves me very sad and wondering what I could have done that was so wrong. I've been seeing this guy for a while and I finally got up the courage to tell him that I love him, but when he asked me why and how I knew it was love that I was feeling, I began tripping over my own words like an idiot and couldn't get the words out of my mouth to tell him what I feel. Being abused as a child is not typical. Reprinted with permission from the author. He is always asking me to initiate sexual relations but I never can seem to muster the courage to do so, and I know it makes him feel rejected. It actually used to make me feel even more lonely when my boyfriend hugged or kissed me only because I pressured him to. Focus on what you can control: yourself and your own happiness. It was a huge build up of frustration and we nearly ended up selling the house when she finally decided to talk it out with me, but it just ended up, as usual, with me conceding that she can’t and doesn’t want to change and I have to accept that this is the way she is. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. She simply doesn't have the guts to break up with you. That said, it's the macho jerks who seem to turn her head. We plan to be married soon and I have a concern about her attitudes toward sex and affection. It can be an emotional display of love, including words and physical touch. While you may have no problem showing affection in public, your guy may feel uncomfortable with these intimate actions. I can’t really recall any time when she made any effort or initiated intimacy as it was always left to me. Maybe you can shed some light on this for me. 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